Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Star Warden: Slayer of Evil. Chapter 1

 

Slayer of Evil

1


Beneath the two moons of a sunset sky, a knight in blue armor battled fiercely with blade in hand. The soft hum of micro-fusion cells filled his ears as they powered the onboard computers that created the heads up display in the visor of his helm. As he swung his blade the white short cape on his back flew upwards revealing a rocket pack of alien design. The bright white and blue blade cut through the Ratman's neck and severed its disgusting head.

The yellow blood and guts burned off, returning the blade to pristine condition. The sword, Dawnbringer, was not one of ordinary make. It was a blade of sun-forged blessed silver that burned the impure and the corrupted. It had a silver-gray winged hilt with a golden gemstone in the center. Its silver grip had the appearance of an eagle's neck topped off with an eagle's head for a pommel. The ability to clean itself was a minor one, but one the knight was no less thankful for. As he did not wish to deal with the fetid smell of the Ratmen's remains. 

He turned his attention to the other rats who were in shock at the failed ambush or perhaps they were being cautious. Whoever called them Ratmen must have been polite, as the knight saw them more as bipedal rats than anything close to a man. They stood over six feet and were well-muscled which belied their speed and agility. Their mouths had jagged teeth and their eyes were blood red, white pupils, surrounded by sickly yellow sclera. Their coats were a mix of black and brown and held the stench of the dead. The knight did not take much pleasure in taking life, the rats were an exception, they were monsters pure and simple.

The Ratmen circled around him, worried, as they plotted their next move. From beneath his helm, the knight made a confident smirk and made a hand motion, signaling them to bring their best. The rat charged him making a horrific screech and the knight moved to strike it, only to dodge and allow it to run into their fellow behind him. The one from behind, who attempted to strike in tandem, was caught off guard and just barely managed to pull back its attack. The knight quickly struck the charging rat's spine. Then with his right hand drew his ray gun from his waist and shot the second rat burning its eye off. 

Withdrawing the sword from its back he quickly severed the Ratman's head to ensure its death was quick, no need for it to suffer. He moved to finish off the wounded one when he was caught off guard as he was struck by a mace on his side. He was hurled into the nearby wall and the rat who attacked him had closed the distance preparing to strike. The knight cursed under his breath as he blocked the strike with his buckler. The shield was dented and warped by the rat's strength, but it did not break. The knight swung back but the rat leaped out of the sword's range. He quickly stood only to face another attack from the wounded rat which he evaded by mere inches. 

It was these moments that reminded him that the rats were vicious fighters and could work together well. He mentally kicked himself for getting cocky when he thwarted their ambush, luckily, he could be just as vicious. The knight engaged with the mace wielding rat and parried his attack only to grunt in pain as he felt the rat's claws dig into his skin. A sinister chuckle came from the rat, while the knight took advantage of the opening and held down the trigger firing a sustained particle beam into the rat's throat. Ignoring his own pain, he focused his attention on the last rat, the one with a missing eye.

Using the dead rat's body as a shield he caused the rat to impale its own sword into the corpse. His opponent off balance the knight drove Dawnbringer through the rat's chest slaying it instantly. He held his side in pain as he returned the sword to its scabbard on his upper back. He did one final check to ensure the monsters were dead with his sword at the ready in case of another ambush or to grant a mercy killing.

Satisfied, he exited the wood and stone building where the battle took place and looked up at the two moons. The sun had disappeared over the horizon and soon the green moon, Aurora, would go with it. The dark yellow moon, Fomoria, now took center stage in the celestial theater. It was a gaseous moon with a baleful presence that made the knight feel like he was being watched. He had walked this world for a year and still could not shake the presence that the moon had some sort of sentience to it. Ancient legend stated that the moon was a portal to a universe filled with demonic entities and he did not find it hard to believe that it could be true. 

The knight looked away only to be reminded of the carnage in front of him. The town of Koba, before these times it would have been like any other. Large stone walls, a castle and courtyard, a marketplace, and many various city districts. Now it was just a crumbling ruin; parts of the wall were rubble, the marketplace was deserted, the city fountain was rusting, and the castle itself was hardly recognizable.

Nothing but a senseless waste of life around him as this town was purged for refusing to bow to the Dark Lord. Many of the defenders were charred skeletons now, some still wearing armor or carrying spears and shields. Strewn around were the mechanical debris of the SWAT-bots; bipedal black and white armored robots, with black helms, chrome face-masks, and mirrored visors. Unlike the rats these machines were pitiless, remorseless, and fearless who would not relent until their target was dead or captured, the knight preferred to fight the rats than the SWAT-bots.

Pushing those thoughts aside he arrived at Koba's local theater, one of the few intact buildings left. Passing through the lobby and into the auditorium. The survivors were relaxing, some were asleep in the chairs while others conversed. They were all members of Aetherium's native species, Faeries. A humanoid winged species. The faeries' skin color were solid colors and ranged across the spectrum. The whites of their eyes were a lighter variant of their irises color, and their ears were long and pointed. Some had butterfly-like wings while others appeared more like a dragonfly, their wings possessed vibrant colors or were clear and transparent.

The survivors noticed the knight's entrance and turned to face him, he responded with a wave and a friendly voice. Giving no sign that he was hurt to keep these faeries in good spirits. His mind however was on one faerie in particular. On stage in the middle of a circle of children was a beautiful faerie woman with long white hair, alluring eyes of royal purple, and skin that shared the color of cherry blossoms. Those eyes shined with love and relief as her face turned to see her knight enter the room. As she politely excused herself, she stood up and golden dragonfly wings folded out from her back. Her name is Kaguya; Princess Kaguya and she stood as gracefully as her regal title would imply. 

She dressed in a light raiment made from shades of purple mixed with accents of gold and white. A flowing skirt with ruffles near the edge and dark tights underneath which led to ankle-length boots. A golden circlet adorned her head with a red gemstone embedded in the center with the shape of a heart. All of it covered a tall and curvaceous figure. She was a beauty that could not be matched here or on the knight's homeworld of Earth. 

Sam,” she said. Her smiling face quickly turned to worry as she noticed the knight's hand on his side. “What happened to cause this?”

Occupational hazard. Just a day in the life of a pest exterminator,” He said in a casual tone.

Kaguya's hand started to glow with a bright light and Sam moved his hand from his wound. When she touched it warm, soothing energy flowed into him as the wound healed. He removed his helm revealing his tanned but fair skin, scruffy and matted black hair, a growing five o clock shadow, and sky blue eyes. 

“It's not hazard pay, but hazard pay doesn't come with a beautiful face,” He said beaming a bright smile at her.

Your compliments are always appreciated but do not change the subject. What happened?”

Those last two rats turned out to be four and ambushed me. One got a good hit that dented my armor. Then stuck his claws in my skin. God knows where those things have been.”

I am sorry I could not be there to help.” 

“Couldn't be helped. You were tired and we both assumed they were only two.” Sam yawned. “Besides your magical and medical skill was needed here. Speaking of rest I could use some sack time.”

Please pardon the interruption,” an elderly voice said.

The two turned in the direction of the voice and saw a faerie, dressed in clerical robes with a sun necklace, walk over to them. If it was not for his voice Sam would have assumed he was a young faerie considering his facial appearance. Sam had not figured out how to tell how old a faerie was outside of an individual's voice. What helped sell his age was he clearly had trouble getting to his knees.

There is no need for you to kneel good priest,” said Kaguya.

I do not dare contradict you, Your Radiance. However, I know no other way to thank you and your brave champion. We prayed for Kira's divine grace to shield us and she went above and beyond not only sending the Star Warden but also her Emissary.”

Just doing my duty,” He said honestly. It was a duty, one he enjoyed as it helped others. He never saw himself, however, as some divinely appointed warrior. Though he kept his opinion on such matters to himself. As who was he to disabused someone of that notion if it gave them hope. Traveling with Kaguya only added to that impression thanks to her magic and her importance to people in Aetherium.

Kaguya is a Celestial Emissary, an angelic being sent from the Celestial Realm. The story goes that Kira, Goddess of Light, Love, and Mercy sent a spirit from Aurora to guide and aid Aetherium's people. The Royal Bloodline of the Asahina Dynasty carried the Emissary's spirit to ensure it could be reborn in the physical form. Each Emissary was marked by the white hair and purple eyes combination unique to her. Kaguya was humble on the subject as aside from that combination she ate, slept, and bled as anyone else. 

Sam had asked her about it before when they were younger and he saw her heal a bruise on him. She said it was a talent that Faeries could learn if they were willing and she was only blessed to know-how from a young age. The younger him just said it was cool and left it at that. After a year fighting with her, he had seen her talents employed in battle, if that was something that could be learned or something connected to the divine was still something he could not discern.

As far as Sam was concerned it was immaterial, faeries believed she was an angel and she worked hard to live up to those who believe. If she wasn't an angel and just a faerie, well he had read stories about Faeries with magic before so it wasn't strange for him if her people could learn it. On the other hand, he didn't disbelieve she was an angel, she had the beauty and kindness of one if nothing else.

Rise, good priest.” Kaguya aided him up. “We appreciate your gratitude. But now you must rest as we all must leave at dawn's first light. The Mystic Woods is the only safe place from the hands of the Enemy.”

“Of course, Your Radiance,” said the priest. “Thank you again, Sir Warden, For saving all of us.”

“You are most welcome, Sir,” He said mid-yawn. “Excuse me.”

The two took their leave after the others gave their thanks. They lay together on a mat in one of the old dressing rooms. On each of their left hands, a silver band sat upon their ring fingers. 


Chapter 2


Copyright © 2020 by Donavan F. Walker

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form on by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review



3 comments:

  1. You have some good ideas going here, and your enthusiasm shines through the writing. But your grammar is rough, and that made the chapter hard to read in places. The good news is grammar can be fixed in editing. The most important thing is to keep writing and finish telling your story.

    As far as fixing grammar, there are several good, free options available to you. Grammarly from Google has a free option and does a pretty good job. Surprisingly, Gmail has a decent grammar and spelling checker. If you have a Gmail account, you can paste chapters into an email draft and see what Gmail flags. Also, most word processors have both spelling and grammar checking. And don't worry, most writers have grammar issues when they start. God knows, I did!

    Just keep writing and having fun. Everything else can be fixed after you complete the first draft.

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  2. Once I finish Book 1, Ill get cracking on leaving some feedback/review for Star Warden as well :D

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  3. Good mix of opening action. Establishing some of the overall setting. You know this is a mix of fantasy and sci fi. Filled with creatures you'd find within a regular dungeon crawl but you wonder how the higher level tech will be used.

    The Beginning of offering more feedback.

    For me as a reader, even before I know who the characters are, its good to have some action or mystery to set things off. Chapt 1 does this. Because at the start of any story, I'm not invested in the characters just yet. So having a chapt 1 or prologue do mystery or action, even with something sprawling like Wheel of Time, its a good hook.

    You have some clear stakes and an obvious enemy from the get go, even in the form of ratmen. The overall bigger bad is hinted at but not on screen as of yet.

    For me, as a writer, I go more cosmic level. This starts off more macro level but that's fine. Which is why my opening to Uplift showcases one of the bigger enemies and the overall Weave vs Unity stuff from the get go.

    A decent mix of dialog and description is present to give you a frame for the setup. For me? I use the headers to set the scene and much less description for now. Mostly due to my preference for speed. So when my serial is finished, Ill probably go back and add more ques but for now:

    Star Warden's opening manages to keep this reader's interest.

    If a book as too much description ala Wheel of Time or Sword of Truth, I find myself checking out. Mostly because as a full time worker and writer, each thing I take to make a pitstop to read, I want to get through the story at a decent pace.

    (I am looking at it from a fresh POV: Pretending I haven't read it before to give more commentary as I go along this time around.)

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